


A World Not Made For You Or Me

by TheDeviantSentByJericho



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fuck JK Rowling, Gen, Happy Ending, Hogwarts QSA/GSA, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Neopronoun Using Character, No Romance, No Sex, Nonbinary Character, POV Remus Lupin, Polyamorous Queerplatonic Relationship, Polyamory, Queerplatonic Relationships, Short Chapters, Suicide, Teacher-Student Relationship, The first chapter is really short, Trans Character, Trans rights, all of them are enby, but the rest are normal length, i think, i want validation, jk rowling can die by my sword, no canon protagonists, please comment, set during hermione's third year, the staircase is a tricky one to plan, trans comfort, trans hurt/comfort, trans rights are human rights, unless otherwise stated, you're all valid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26705701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeviantSentByJericho/pseuds/TheDeviantSentByJericho
Summary: Remus knows what it's like to not fit inside one's own body.So when he encounters someone who feels so alien in their own skin, who feels so trapped in the world perceptions that they want to remove themself from it-Well.He could hardly stand by.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	1. On The Edge

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally posted to potterzone years back but only the first two chapters were saved in some form on quotev, so. things may go differently.

Remus smiled wistfully as he held the Map. It was the middle of the night, and he did have classes the next day, but he couldn't help staying up a bit late.

The Marauder's Map. 

It brought him back to older times, four children exploring their world, pushing the limits of what they could do. They had all had such promising futures. Now look at them. Peter and James dead, Sirius in prison, and him, living off of charity.

The Map knew him. It responded easily to his touch, happily showing its master all he might need to know. Most students and pets were not included, of course. Too many dots would interfere with its purpose.

Remus' wan smile dropped from his face when he spotted a solitary dot, right on the edge of Ravenclaw Tower. It was clearly a student. Out of bed and alone at this hour? He searched his memory for the name. Mirabelle, a first-year Ravenclaw.

Could the Map, after all this time, have made a mistake? Moved a student a few inches from their dormitory? No. They had been too careful, too thorough, too clever. This was no mistake.

Remus wiped the paper with a touch and headed off to Ravenclaw Tower as fast as he dared. He hoped desperately he was wrong.

But at the top of the Tower was a student, framed against the star-strewn sky. They stood not next to the edge, but directly on top of it.

The figure shuffled forwards, and Remus' heart stopped.


	2. Come Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirabelle couldn't think, much less move, but she let the DADA teacher lead her gently off the roof, back to his office.
> 
> Where she was safe.
> 
> She was safe.

"Wait!" Remus shouted. The child hesitated, stilling for a moment. He placed a hand on the kid's arm and they turned to him, frozen in shock and terror.

Mirabelle was tall for her age, and could easily have passed for a third year. Her blonde hair was tied up into a tight bun, and her emerald eyes were fogged with panic. 

Remus wasn't sure what to say. "Please don't do that," he said lamely. The kid ignored him. Remus couldn't blame her; he was pathetic. "Let's get you down from there, okay?" The student bowed her head in answer, and when Remus took her hand and helped her down she made no effort to resist.

On firmer ground, Remus could recognize her better. Mirabelle Estar was a first-year Ravenclaw in a family of historical Gryffindors. Her older brother was in his fifth year, a rather stubborn Gryffindor. She was a quiet child, always pouring over some book or another. It never seemed to be her schoolbooks though! Her long hair was always tied up in a tight knot and he could not recall ever seeing her out of her school robes.

Remus felt a pang of regret. He hadn't paid much attention to the solitary child. A brief glance, sure, but only because he was curious as to how she ended up breaking the family streak. 

It reminded him of Sirius, in a way, but only until he'd seen her in his classes. The girl was a Ravenclaw, through and through. If anyone, she reminded him of himself.

Especially now.

"How about we get you down to my office, hmm? Would that be okay?"

Mirabelle couldn't think, much less move, but she let the DADA teacher lead her gently off the roof, back to his office.

Where she was safe.

She was safe.


	3. A Soft Place To Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from runaway by aurora. a good theme for the chapter, and "mirabelle" in general, really.

Remus wouldn't admit how fast his heart was racing as he bustled around his office and the scent of peppermint (caffeine-free!) filled the room. Every so often he would glance back at the table, where the 11-year-old Ravenclaw sat, her eyes boring into the wood of the table and legs swaying in a manner that seemed forcibly restrained, as if any moment she might disappear. If he had been a few minutes later... if he hadn't checked the map... if, if, if.

Carefully, the werewolf filled the cups, set them out. "Would you like milk?" 

Mirabelle looked up, startled, then back at her feet, tugging at a strand of blond hair that had fallen loose. "I... I'm fine."

Lupin nodded, attempting to smile reassuringly, though she wasn't looking at him. His chair scraped slightly as he sat down, resting slightly against the table. Steam shimmered in the air. Neither moved.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, softly. 

The fidgeting increased, to the point Remus was concerned she would pull the hair directly from her head. However, he elected not to mention it, aside from a kind "Would you like a stim toy?"

"...what's that?"

"It's just a small item that you can fidget with, 'stim' so to speak. A lot of people find it soothing or grounding."

"I- I'm sorry!" Mirabelle quickly pulled her hands away from her hair, forcing them still. "I didn't mean to!"

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "There's nothing wrong with stimming, dear. It's quite natural. I just wanted to provide an alternative for pulling your hair."

Mirabelle looked down again, squeezing her hands. "I..."

"Would you like to try one, at least?"

"...okay..."

"You don't have to, it's simply a suggestion. To make you more comfortable while we talk."

She stiffened again. "...Do we have to?"

"I'm afraid so. Well, you'll have to talk to someone."

"...okay."

"To the conversation or the toy?"

"...both..."

"Alright." He selected a few from a drawer: a ring with beads in the colours of the ace flag, some blue slime (freshly made, of course), and a small purple ball with soft stretchy spikes, and slid them over. "Take any you like."

The first year looked frozen by indecision as she looked over them, glancing up occasionally, as if wanting to make sure it was okay. Remus nodded reassuringly. In a sudden movement, Mirabella reached out, snared the mini hedge ball, and returned her gaze to her lap. "...thank you..." she said, her voice small.

"You're very welcome."

They sat there in silence for a moment, but it was less nervous this time. The ball was in Mirabelle's court now. It was for her to make the next step.

And, after a few minutes, she did.

"Why did you save me?"

Remus was prepared for the question. "Because I hardly could leave you to die. Your life has value. I would not be able to live with myself if I let you cut it short."

"But- how? You don't know me!"

"No, I don't. But I know enough. You're a child-"

"I'm a freak!"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because it's true!" 

Her voice rose on the last sentence, cutting a silence into the small room.

"..."

"...I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't have raised my voice."

"It's quite alright, child."

"I just..."

"You just what?"

"I just... I'm wrong. There's something so wrong with me. I'm not... I'm not what I'm supposed to be."

"Oh, that's nothing wrong with you. None of us are who we're supposed to be. That's alright, though. In the end, who we're supposed to be is something we set for ourselves."

"You don't understand! I'm wrong! I don't fit inside my own body! I'm not this well-dressed bold aristocrat, not the hero or the damsel in distress! And I'm not Mirabella!"

"Who are you then?"

"I'm... I'm..." Mirabella looked up at Remus, and there were tears in her eyes, before she looked away again. "I'm not a she."

"What do you prefer?" His voice was soft, gentle, accepting. He was surprised, yes, but it would not assist the situation at all.

"I.. I don't know. But I... I like the name Bluejay. Blue."

"Alright, Bluejay. That's perfectly valid. You're perfectly valid. And you're not alone."

"I'm not?"

"No, you're not."

"...oh..." Bluejay said, and burst into tears. Relieved ones this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dksauhfaiudsf i'm so sorry i'm so disorganized and all the chapters are so short i have no plot in mind help


	4. fly away into the dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> look, this was gonna be longer, but i couldn't think of a main plot so
> 
> have a happy ending :>
> 
> yes, we skipped over the entire war what u gon do about it  
> there is some interesting stuff that happened there, but i'll probably publish it in a separate book if people show interest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> recommended listening for this chapter would be don't wait by joey graceffa.  
> it sets a good tone.
> 
> everything will be okay

Seven years.

That's how long it took, for Bluejay to metamorphize into the person they were now, on the cusp of adulthood, short hair ringing their face in a wild halo, their hands each held by their partners, and a smile on their face.

They stood at the gates of Hogwarts, looking out this time.

It had been a long journey.

Shortly after Blue had left Lupin's office on that fateful day, he'd, with Professor McGonagall, gathered up queer people from all over the school and shown them the Room Of Requirement, told them it was a secret place they could use, if they didn't feel safe in their own common rooms. Even when he'd left, McGonagall had taken care of them, helping them all help themselves. They could curl up on couches to do homework or read, sleep in hammocks or sleeping bags, dress any way they liked, in private. There was everything that they needed, and it soon became home. The Rainflakes, as they called themselves, were almost a secret house of their own. All sorts of people, from all houses- united in their rather _unique_ sense of pride. They even had their own crest- a rainbow phoenix, to represent the (oft painful) change from who they were seen as to who they really were.

They had met Socks there, on the first meeting, brought together by being the only queer people in their year the teachers had been able to find without being too obtrusive, except for Liarune and Jacob, who had fully transitioned (as fully as they wanted anyway) and were already close friends.

"Hey!" the brunet had said, plopping down next to the shyer kid. "My name's Socks! I'm trying out e/em pronouns at the moment. What about you?" 

Blue had looked up, slightly overwhelmed. "I'm... Blue. Bluejay. I didn't know you could 'try out' pronouns."

"Of course you can! There's so many out there to choose from too, and did you know you didn't even have to pick one? It's so cool!"" E crossed es legs and smiled. "They/them is cool, but it doesn't really suit me much better than he or she."

"They...them?"

"Oh! I see you're _really_ new to the world of pronouns! This is amazing! I'll show you around, okay?" 

Blue's smile was faint, but definitely present. "Thank you."

When Umbridge came to power in their second year, Socks and Blue were kept separate, officially, being of both different Houses and of different assigned sexes. That didn't stop them from going to Rainflakes meetings, or developing- and using- secret communication methods to stay in touch, like hand signals, slips of paper in secret spots and with certain teachers, or enchanted quills that wrote on both of their arms. 

They had met Joan in third year, a transfer from the Brazillian magic school, Castelbruxo. Joan used they/them, and was sorted into Slytherin- Socks' official house. They had quickly been brought into Rainflake House, and sooner still into Blue and Socks' little group, magic markers and all. Things were hard, but they were okay, and they were happier than they had been in a long time.

A few months into third year, Joan was beaten up for their darker skin, different pronouns, and newbie status.

Socks and Bluejay were with them in the hospital wing until they woke up. Their smile when they woke up to see the two waiting there distracted from the black eye they sported.

In fourth year, Bluejay cut their hair, and came out to their parents and brother.

Soon enough, Blue's brother had come around, and would protect Bluejay, as well as Joan and Socks, from any bully or transphobe that so much as whispered a mean word in their direction- even those who were far older or younger than him. Their parents were far harder to convince, and Blue ended up living with Joan and their parents during the summer months, where they felt safe and loved for the first time in their life.

In fifth year, Socks switched to xe/zyr. "It's just more me," xe said with a shrug. Xe also revealed xe enjoyed pineapple on pizza, and honestly, that was a far greater burden for their relationship to overcome. It took a whole three days.

In sixth year, the three discovered the term 'queerplatonic', and decided that was a far more fitting term for what they all wanted from their relationship. The three celebrated with cake (each person making a different one of varying quality and flavour, but all lactose-free for Joan). 

In seventh year, they walked out of school, arm in arm and hand in hand, ready to face the world.

Together.

Bluejay smiled.

They were finally glad to be alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> e/em pronouns were invented in 1980, and xe/xyr in 1973. does that fit the time frame? i think so, but i don't actually care. they exist now. and here. because i say so.  
> :)


End file.
